Comments: A 'unique' weekend...
ok.... how to kill a rat in 7 easy steps (maybe even easier than screenprinting)
1. remove testicles from mother's purse
2. fill a tall bucket 1/2 full with water
3. drink a can of beer really fast (i KNOW you can do that)
4. poke hole in end of can and run string through so that the can sits on the string horizontally when you hold both ends of the string tight
5. tie string across top of bucket
6. coat can with rat tempting peanut butter (better yet, mix peanut butter with sardines.. it's like rat-crack)
7. place bucket in vicinity of bastard rat with a board leading up to the string...
here's what happens: rat smells yummy peanut butter, walks up board, steps onto can to get at peanut butter, can rolls on string, SPLASH! rat drops into bucket of water and can't get out...
good luck.. wimp...
Posted by sage at February 9, 2004 03:17 PM
that might work...sounds more complicated...
i used to work at the suprestore warehouse as you may remember...there was weekly exterminator guy...his remedy was as humaine as it gets for killing rats...rats cant pass gas...but they love beer...the next rat you have...if you've had one...you'll have more...buy your regular 6 pack or 12...or if i know Calvin at all it's a 24...lol...buy one can of crappy beer...pour it into a bowl...wait half a day..the rat get's bloated...according to the exterminator...then tend to bloat and straddle into the open and keel over...it's cheaper than 10$ mice poison...or rat poison...and effective..and your satifaction will be visable...and help you to sleep...at least you'll only feel guilty about sending him off in a drunken stuper...the rat...will be thinking...i'm never drinking again....i've been there...
PS...was loooking at my pics of our ski trip too mt washington......been telling that story about me skiing into you...good times...and Carole..? where were you...?lol...a very good memory...thanks guys...see you this summmer...talk to you here sooner than later...
Posted by vetiver at February 10, 2004 12:12 AM
Het Vetiver & Sage, you'll both be happy to know that I got it... and by using a hybrid aproach devised by the amalgomation of all three of our ideas, no less. Here's what I did:
After he had been living off heaping daily doses of rat poison exclusively for 5 days without showing any signs of keeling over, and having tripped all mouse traps every night for 5 nights without ever getting caught in one, I decided to go down to Revy and buy a real rat trap. It went off that same night - but in the morning I was too busy getting ready for work to go and check on it, but I checked when I got home from work that afternoon, and here's what I saw...
He was in the trap alright. Back was broken, but it hadd still dragged itself (still in the trap) across the room - and yes, after all that poison, mouse traps, rat trap, broken back, etc, it was still alive. I wanted to just grab the trap, bring it outside and let it go, but A.) he was still really fiesty, and B.) I figured after all it had been through, leaving it outside with a broken back to freeze to death was just too cruel, so I remembered sages bucket-o-water idea, and brought one down. I dropped it (trap and all) into the water. But dammit, he was still fighting pretty hard to stay above water, so a got a stick and held it at the bottom for a minute until he stopped squirming. I must admit, he looked much more peaceful in death. I the brought him out to the back yard, grabbing the peanut butter and a beer on the way, and pried the trap open.
I then proceeded to coat the carcass in peanut butter, cracked open the beer, and drank a final toast to Mr. Rat as I flung him against the next door 7-11's wall. Hell, I figured he came from their dumpsters anyway. Besides, if he scares off just one of those punks that sits in the parking lot with their boom stereos going at 2AM every Friday and Saturday, then he will have served more purpose in death than in live.
Seriously though, other than a few trout, that's the first thing I ever killed. It didn't feel very good at all.
Posted by Calvin at February 13, 2004 10:15 AM
hey, i seem to remember that you and your brother were boom stereo masters... you probably shook your fair share of 33 year-old-dude's townhouses in your youth... now you get yours, muthafacko!!
Posted by sage at February 13, 2004 10:58 AM
Hey... things were different back in the 80s...
Posted by Calvin at February 16, 2004 07:10 AM
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